Mothers in 2013: Still Anchored Down with Cooking, Cleaning, and Childcare?

Mothers in 2013: Still Anchored Down with Cooking, Cleaning, and Childcare?

 

While women have gained more independence outside of the home, they still seem to be anchored down with more than their fair share of family work (cooking, cleaning, and childcare) inside the home.

Are males doing more work at home? 

 

While males have slightly increased their contribution to family work, females still perform two times more family work than the average male (Coltrane, 2000; Robinson & Godbey, 1997; Walker, 1999; as cited in McGraw & Walker, 2004, p. 180).

Why is this?

• Couples with children tend to have more traditional divisions of household work than childless couples (Baxter, Hewitt, and Haynes, 2008, p. 260).

• Men and women in cohabiting couples experienced greater equality in household work than those in married unions (Baxter, Hewitt, & Haynes, 2008, p. 261).

• Continued idealization of the traditional nuclear family; we still strive to achieve the roles characterized for the breadwinning father and homemaker mother family model—despite growing diversity in family forms

• We have created a “gender system” in which men are valued employees who work around the clock with no time for anything besides work and women are restricted to care giving and family work (Williams, 2000; as cited in McGraw & Walker, 2004, p. 177 and Ferree, 2010, p. 430).

• Children are socialized to conform to the ideals that males are “naturally” aggressive and innate competitors while females are “naturally” nurturing and innate caregivers

• Males’ “instrumental” activities of providing finances and protecting their wives and children from harm and females’ “expressive” activities of supporting their husbands and caring for children (Kingsbury & Scanzoni, 1995; as cited in McGraw & Walker, 2004, p. 178).

• Females “specialize” in family work and males “specialize” in paid labor because it is an “efficient” means to obtain the greatest results of household utility (Becker, 1991; Sayer, England, Bittman, & Bianchi, 2004, p. 6).

•   Our society distributes resources unequally and this theoretically causes the contradiction in gender and diverse family forms (McGraw & Walker, 2004, p. 186).

Okay. So you told me why mothers and women are doing more cooking, cleaning, and childcare but HOW CAN WE CHANGE THIS SYSTEM?

Educating families on the dynamics at play might help them to find balances that work best for them. 

What might this balance look like?

•  Creating a family work schedule that divides cooking, cleaning, and childcare amongst mothers and fathers (partners) in a manner that works for both.
• Do not be afraid to speak up if you feel trapped in a traditional gender role. COMMUNICATION is key. 
•   Mom takes one day off a week. Other family members take care of the household that day. 
•  Write household tasks (examples: sort laundry, unload dishwasher, make dinner, take out trash, pick up kids from soccer, etc) down on strips of paper. Place strips in a jar. Family members randomly draw their tasks to avoid gender specific socialization.

On a larger scale, replacing the gender system with a new system that distributes resources to families equally would greatly change society and allow women to overcome some of the barriers plaguing them and keeping them in the domestic role.

 

*Picture Citation: https://www.google.com/search?q=anchor+home&client=firefox-a&hs=sxn&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=1FWPUZ_RCpHO9gT1r4CwAw&ved=0CAoQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=638#imgrc=STLwv9jICbFp9M%3A%3BAqX5rJ6dALFkJM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fimages.veerle.duoh.com%252Fuploads%252Finspiration-images%252Fanchor-home-big.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fveerle.duoh.com%252Finspiration%252Fdetail%252Fhome%3B600%3B847

In Our Mothers' House: A Book Recommendation

*I am cross-posting this book review on this blog because it is an excellent resource for discussing aspects of empathy and promoting acceptance of two mother and adoptive families. Regardless of your values and beliefs, it is essential to discuss different family forms with children. For more book reviews please visit Randie’s Book Reviews
and Randie and Dr. Amy’s Bibliotherapy Hangout.

Polacco, P. (2009). In our mothers’ house. New York, NY: Philomel Books.

Genre: Children’s Picture Storybook 

Polacco stepped aside from her usual books based on personal experiences and heritage to write a book for children and families that she has met in schools, at speaking engagements, etc. In Our Mothers’ House is the story of three adopted children and the love and devotion they received from their two mothers in their mothers' house. Polacco’s story highlights the love of this family but also showcases some of the challenges and discrimination that “non-traditional” families face. 

I particularly enjoyed the scenes in which the mothers sewed the children’s homemade Halloween costumes and dresses for a special tea. Despite all the love and support the two mothers offered their children, there was one mother in the neighborhood that was not accepting of their non-traditional family and it is beyond sad that these children had to deal with the hateful confrontation of this cold, bitter woman in such a public manner. Fortunately, Marmee and Meema were loving individuals and they did not let the hateful comments of one person impact the love in their hearts. 

I admire their strength and respectful response to hatred. The book follows the three children into their adult lives. Sharing their marriages at their mothers' house, capturing the first steps of their own children at their mothers' house, and coming together for family events/gatherings after their mothers have passed...this story is remarkably touching and  brought tears to my eyes.

Beautiful, beautiful story of unconditional love. Polacco at her finest!

RESOLVE's Advocacy Day!

RESOLVE's Advocacy Day is today!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013

What is Advocacy Day all about?

Men and women impacted by infertility are gathering together in Washington, D.C. to raise awareness about infertility issues and offer support for families impacted by infertility.

While, I am not in Washington, D.C., when I heard about this event, I thought I would take part by spreading the word. 

Infertility refers to the inability to contribute to conception. Both males and females can struggles with infertility for a variety of reasons. Infertility can be emotionally, physically, and financially draining for individuals and families...this event is just one way to offer them support and empowerment.

Resolve's Advocacy Day is focusing on two issues that I encourage you to learn more about.

1. Infertility Tax Credit: A bill to offer a tax credit for the costs of IVF and fertility preservation for cancer and other diseases was introduced in the U.S. Senate and the U.S. House of Representatives. The credit is called the "Family Act" and will help thousands of people seek medical treatment that otherwise would not have the resources to do so.  Read more here about the Family Act.
2.  Women Veterans and Other Health Care Improvements Act: Senator Patty Murray introduced the Women Veterans and Other Health Care Improvement Act S 131. "This bill will provide access to fertility treatment for seriously injured veterans and their spouses, adoption assistance, permanent authority for VA to provide child care, and other elements. Read more here about the Women's Veterans and Other Health Care Improvements Act."

For more info on Resolve's Advocacy Day, click this link.

Tips for Work-Family Balance

I often find myself dealing with guilt. It seems that balancing the responsibilities of work and family, always ends in something or someone getting the “short stick” or bad end of the deal. Whether it is my son or my work that acquires that short stick, I find myself feeling pressured at being both a better parent and worker. I am not alone in this. A study from 2008 reported that 75% of employees felt they did not spend enough time with their children[1]. That is an astounding number!

What can we do to help parents ease their guilt and achieve a work-family balance that works for them?

1. Educating ourselves on work-family issues
2. Advocating for family friendly policies within organizations, community, and the culture at large
3. Taking a moment to check out my Work and Family brochure 

                                

                   

HERE ARE A FEW TIPS HIGHLIGHTED IN THE BROCHURE:

• Make time for fun activities (a trip to the park, zoo, family game night, etc.)
• Let go of guilt
• Plan regular date nights
• Establish a morning routine
• Get organized! (chore charts, family calendar, plan meals and lunches, etc.)
• Discuss flexible hours and other work-life policies with your boss
• Use notes, texting, Skype or other tools to stay connected during the day
• Cut out time wasters (less TV, gossip, social media checking, etc.)
• MAKE TIME FOR YOU!

*The brochure is also listed on the “Family Resources” tab with other helpful resources and tools.

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[1] http://futureofchildren.org/futureofchildren/publications/docs/21_02_PolicyBrief.pdf

Check out this local initiative!

The Campaign for Grade-Level Reading

This morning, I had the opportunity to attend a community meeting on literacy. The event was sponsored by the Ames Tribune and hosted by Ames Reads. Ames Reads is a collaborative initiative of many partners with a shared agenda in ensuring all children read and comprehend at or above grade level by 2020. Raising Readers of Story County is one partner of Ames Reads and I am fortunate enough to be a volunteer for the organization. The Ames Public Library is another key partner in this effort. The purpose of the event was to raise awareness of local literacy initiatives and promote The Campaign for Grade-Level Reading, which is a national effort.

 Ralph Smith, Senior Vice President of The Annie E. Casey Foundation and Managing Director for The Campaign for Grade-Level Reading was an inspiring speaker at the event. Many of the points Smith expressed are profound and have an effect on families. I want to highlight a few of his points:

·         To combat intergenerational poverty we need to assist children in accomplish three goals:

o   Graduate from high school

o   Acquire the skills to obtain and maintain employment

o   Delay pregnancy/parenting until at least age 25

·         Grade-level reading proficiency by third grade will help us with the above goals

·         What can members of the community do?

o   Focus on reading readiness

o   Invest in local literacy initiatives

o   Train teachers and tutors to offer QUALITY instruction

o   Embrace the Reach Out and Read model

o   Offer information to parents

o   Encourage reading of all languages

·         What can parents do?

o   READ! READ! READ! Read to your children

o   Work on school attendance—get children to school on time each day

o   Make summer an OPPORTUNITY—not a risk!

o   Take advantage of “teachable moments”

o   Reading should be an ENGAGING experience

o   Seek support from community

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

You may be asking yourself, why did Randie write about this?

What is the big deal about this campaign? Why should I care? 

All of these questions are valid and great. We know that neighborhoods and community influence the behaviors and choices of children[1]. Smith shared that 68% of the nation’s children (80% of which are children living in poverty) are not reading at grade-level by third grade. This is a critical landmark for future success. Minority children, especially African-American boys, all too often fall victim to these statistics, missing this landmark goal. Taking part in community-wide efforts to tackle reading readiness, school absence, and summer learning loss is an effective way to not only foster children’s academic success but also support families and break the cycle of poverty by preparing children for graduation and beyond.

For more information about the initiatives and organizations mentioned in this blog, please visit their websites listed below:

The Campaign for Grade-Level Reading, http://gradelevelreading.net/

Raising Readers of Story County, http://www.raising-readers.org/

The Annie E. Casey Foundation, http://www.aecf.org/

Ames Public Library, http://amespubliclibrary.org/

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[1] South, S. J. & Crowder, K. (2010). Neighborhood poverty and nonmarital fertility: Spatial and temporal dimensions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 72, 89–104.
*Photo credit:  http://www.aecf.org/AboutUs/LeadrshpMgmtTrustees/Smith.aspx