What is a family?
Traditional ideals about the nuclear family paint a picture
of a breadwinning father and a domestic mother who cares for the quiet,
well-behaved children. Extended family might include grandparents, aunts,
uncles, cousins, and other kin connected by bonds of blood or marriage. I
believe that blood and marriage is not enough nor a necessary requirement when
it comes to defining family. For me, I think of family as the people that
understand you, support you, which you can call at 3am for an emergency or to
be silly with, love you, teach you, respect you, let you make mistakes, etc. I
think it is great if a person's "traditional" family members can be
this network or system of support for them but sometimes families are
structured in non-traditional ways and loving someone because you want to can
mean much more than loving them because there is an obligation to. You define
your family. Each family is diverse. Yes, there are some common dynamics but
each family interacts and functions in unique ways.
What does the
research say?
Thirty years. For some, thirty years is nothing, it is but
one drop in a torrential downpour of rain but one drop can make a world of
difference. In the past thirty years, many changes have occurred that impact
families. Many of these factors will not surprise you but the extent of their
influence on families might. The rate of divorce is climbing to 40% and 50%
, 18%
of all American families are female-led single parent families
, and
cohabitation is “dramatically” higher for all demographic groups
. Views
on marriage are shifting
. America,
itself transformed from a farming nation into an industrialized society
. Women
in the workforce
,
the insurgence of contraception
,
the quadrupling of teenage pregnancy
, and
elevated partner violence (causing nearly two million injuries and 1,300 deaths
each year)
are factors as well. Diversity in terms of sexual orientation
,
ethnicity
,
and socioeconomic status
, and
a variety of other factors have all played their part in changing the
structures, dynamics, and functions of today’s family.
But, what does today’s family look like? A Portrait Gallery
adapted from an American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) 2003 publication reports
the following:
About half of all families with
children under age 18 include two biological parents and their children. Twenty
percent of these two-parent families are blended families. A little over a
quarter of all families with children under age 18 are single-parent families.
Over two and a half million children live in cross-generational families. It is
estimated that 120,000 children are adopted each year, while 6.3 children in
1,000 live in foster care. One and half million unmarried couples have at least
one child under the age 15. 1.3 million children under age 18 live with
grandparents and 2 million children have parents who are gay, lesbian, or
bisexual.
What does this mean
for families?
There is not one answer to this question. I would argue that
there is no or right or wrong answer but I do know that family scholars,
policymakers, and other professionals from many different fields of study are
scrambling to find an answer. How would I answer? The changes taking place in
families leads me to believe that families are in need of knowledge and support
now more than ever before. Families are redefining themselves and I do not
think we as a society, culture, or agency can tell families how they should be
forming and living. Instead, I believe that families have to determine who and
what they are and make decisions that work best for them and their needs. This
is no easy feat. I know, because even with my understanding of family dynamics,
I am still defining my own family and figuring out what works for us. So,
instead of regurgitating “best practices” and pushing ideas on families, I seek
to support families and empower them as they continue to grow, change, and
redefine themselves. Why do I feel this way? It’s simple. Families mean much
more to me than statistics in research. I am not fearful of change, nor frightened
by diversity; in fact, I embrace it.
What does that mean
for you?
Jackpot! You are in the right place! You will be able to
look here for information on families and access resources that you feel will
be beneficial for you or others you know.
*I am cross-posting this book review on this blog because it is an excellent resource for discussing aspects of empathy and promoting acceptance of two mother and adoptive families. Regardless of your values and beliefs, it is essential to discuss different family forms with children. For more book reviews please visit Randie’s
Book Reviews
